Where I'm Supposed To Be
by Moment For Life
Summary: Jack and Rose meet again in Cedar Rapids in 1929. Rose is married with two boys and they both know nothing can happen between them until Rose's husband passes away and she turns to Jack for comfort.
1. A reappearance

Cedar Rapids is the second largest city in the U.S. state of Iowa and is the county seat of Linn County. Rose Dawson-Calvert and her husband Samuel had settled in the city eight months before when Samuel had suggested the move so he could be closer to his family business which he ran with his father Stan. Rose and Samuel had married in the Spring of 1920 and their son Peter was born in 1923 with Andrew following in 1926.

Rose Dawson-Calvert was thirty five years of age as of February, not old by any means but she no longer felt like a young woman. Her days were spent mostly with her two boys, something she did enjoy but rarely did she indulge in something alone or a particular activity she enjoyed such as painting or dancing. Passing through the town centre on a foggy December evening, centred in the middle of town was a large brass band playing traditional songs such as _Away In A Manger._It was late afternoon and young couples stood watching the band, hand in hand and obviously so in love. Rose stopped for a second to watch them, it was a sore reminder of what her life once was but nothing with her husband. The boys became restless pulling her in the direction of their house. She set off back to the house, her mind still obviously preoccupied elsewhere. She caught sight of herself in shop windows as she passed, their christmas decor breathtakingly lovely as she saw the glitter in each store.

A large sign with the words 'Dawson's Gallery' caught her attention as she passed a shop window which she could have swore wasn't present the previous day. Stopping in her tracks, she poked her head inside the door and smelt the fresh paint. Andrew let go of his mothers hand and wandered inside the building whereas Peter simply stalked beside his mother obviously not interested in this place. The name 'Dawson' set chills up Rose but because the name of the gallery was the surname of her lost love, it felt as though she was meant to stumble across the place. As thought it meant something. The gallery was teaming with patrons all willing to purchase pieces of art from the artist and Rose had to admit whoever he was, he was good. Several landscapes caught her attention, just inside the shop. Peter let go of her hand to follow his brother and Rose narrowed her eyes a little to see the name of the artist which was scrawled in the bottom left corner and then she entered the store.

Jack Dawson beamed as he watched the patrons scan his gallery for new additions to their painting collections. Almost twenty years it had taken Jack to open his gallery and now he was here, he had never felt happier and all of the years of hard work seemed to have paid off. His talent was something he was born with, not something which he had studied as he had never had the money to attend a college or university but he had helped out other young artists develop their skills and was happy to do so for free. He didnt have any children of his own so with his own time, he spent helping out others.

Two blonde children caught his attention as they roamed the gallery, they didn't look any older than seven and were obviously brothers. He smiled at them, pointing to pictures. Then a woman caught his attention, a tall lady wearing a long brown coat, her red hair braided causally to the side. He felt as though he had been in her presence before and there was something about her which he just couldn't put his fingers on. Pushing his hair back out of his face, he started towards her but then his breathe became caught in his throat. His eyes widened, and he was unsure if he was actually seeing true visions. His heart beat faster and slowly he reached out his arm through the crowds of people to touch the woman he believed to be Rose Dewitt Bukater.

She turned quickly, coming face to face with Jack Dawson, someone she never thought she would see again. She believed him dead, she had mourned him for all of these years, she had loved him for so long and now here he was - alive.

With no words, her arms were around his neck and he ran his fingers through her hair and closed his eyes taking in her scent, he tightened his grip on her just to make sure she was actually real.

''Oh Lord…'' She couldn't quite think of what to say. She didnt want to say anything, what could she say? Jack pulled away, still holding her hands in his and not taking his eyes away from her face. It was Rose alright, she was a little older but nonetheless she still looked the same.

''Rose, what are you doing here? I thought you…''

Rose opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. She could only smile and try anything to calm her racing heart.

''I live here Jack. I live here with my husband and two boys.''

The fact that eighteen years had stood between this moment and their last moment seemed to have disappeared and dissolved away. Andrew and Peter made their way back to their mother, glancing upwards at the strange man holding hands with their mother. Rose crouched down to her sons level and buttoned the top button on her youngest sons coat. Peter was the eldest at six, he had fair skin but his fathers brown eyes and blonde hair whereas Andrew at three had his mothers green eyes.

''Jack, these are my boys Andrew and Peter…''

Jack glanced down to the handsome young boys and smiled to them. They weren't unlike Rose but he guessed they were more like their father in looks.

''Hello, young men.''

''Hello.'' Peter mumbled. Jack smiled once again.

''And your husband is not here?''

Rose shook her head. ''Samuel works most days.'' She said simply.

She took a few moments to simply stare at Jack, she reached out to take his hand again not realising the boys were watching them.

''Where have you been Jack? All of these years?''

Jack sighed, he felt his stomach drop and closed his eyes. ''Where were you that night Rose? I looked for you and I…''

''Jack no.'' Rose shook her head. She indicated to the children who glanced to Jack with large curious eyes. ''Jack will you meet me later on? I have to take the children home for tea. My husband will be home around six.''

Jack let go of Rose's hand hesitantly. ''Sure, I'll meet you. Where?''

''Say here at the gallery? At six?'' She suggested.

He nodded a small yes in agreement and she smiled. She took both of her sons by the hand and lead them back outside into the chilly December night.

Christmas candles lit up the windows of the shops and houses in the town. The gas lamps were lit hours ago and cast a glow over the town centre. The band which was playing earlier stood still softly playing Christmas songs just as a few wisps of snow began to gently fall down. It was like something out of a fairytale. Rose felt as though she had no feeling in her hands and she shoved them into her pocket. Making excuses to leave the house after dark seemed harder than she thought and she hated lying to her husband, but she knew as soon as she set eyes on Jack she would have to see him again.

A small light from inside the gallery could be seen and Rose gently knocked on the door. Turning back to the centre a small choir gathered around the brass band and a small smile appeared on her face. She could feel her nerves and thrust her shaky hand into her pocket. The door creaked open and Jack appeared, he smiled before curling his finger inviting her into the gallery. Glancing around behind her, he locked the door before turning back around. There was a slight silence between them and Rose allowed her eyes to travel around the artwork which she had witnessed earlier on that day. Jack pulled a bottle of wine from behind the counter and grabbed two glasses. He was unsure if she even consumed alcohol, if she would question where he had got it from during the times of bootlegging but she didnt seem to care.

''Care for a glass?'' He smiled to her causing her stomach to twist in knots, something she hadn't felt for years, since the last time they had met. What she didn't understand was that she was a married woman, and also a mother twice over.

''Thank you.'' Rose took the glass. Her hand grazing Jack's for the slightest second. She took a small sip before turning to gaze at a few of the drawings. ''I can't remember you doing landscapes.''

''Oh I didn't backthen. I returned to France after the war and just fell in love with the country again.'' Jack came closer to Rose to examine his own work.

Several portraits of Santa Monica pier and the beach caught Rose's eyes and she felt her breathe become caught in her throat as she saw the place they had spoken so fondly about aboard Titanic. Deep down she believed they would have visited such places together if they had both found each other on the Carpathia. She had thought so much over the years of what had happened if they had not parted that dreadful night, her life had been based on what ifs. Memories Rose hadn't thought of in years came rushing back to her and she placed her wine on the counter, her breathing ragged. Jack noticed her struggle to breathe and he watched her closely guessing memories had overcome her too much.

''I have some paintings which I did in Greece.'' Jack indicated to some small canvas's across the other side of the room. Rose followed him and allowed herself to become lost in the art.

''You really did this Jack?''

''I visited the ruins after the war.'' He sighed. ''I wanted to travel after fighting for so long. I realised that life was priceless.''

Shakily, Rose reached out to the painting and felt the bumps in the canvas. She could almost feel herself falling into the painting, as though she herself was present when it was drawn. 'Did you draw all of these from life?''

'Of course. I saw everything with my own eyes, I visited all of the countries and witnessed the beauty.'' Jack turned to Rose witnessing her own beauty right in front of his eyes. He hesitated his next words but felt as though they had to be spoken. ''In my mind you were there too Rose…I thought you were dead until this day.''

Their eyes interlocked for a few moments and her heart raced. 'I found the strength to swim to a lifeboat.'' She began taking a sip of the wine. ''I was pushed under the water many times and as I swam through the people I noticed they became quieter and much more lifeless.'' Rose closed her eyes for a split second, her mind already picturing the 1,500 people who lay lifeless in the freezing ocean.

''I know. I was there too. I found some debris, something to cling onto until the lifeboat came back.'' Jack sighed remembering how numb his entire body was. But the worst thing was Rose was in a lifeboat too, she had been aboard Carpathia when he was. ''Your name wasn't on the list Rose. I searched endlessly for a Rose Dewitt Bukater.''

She smiled for a second. ''I wasn't Rose Dewitt Bukater. My married name is Rose Dawson-Calvert, before marriage…I was Rose Dawson.''

Jack eyes widened and he felt his breathing stop. ''You…you took my name?''

Rose nodded. ''I became someone else right after we first kissed Jack and especially after you made love to me. Rose Dewitt Bukater died with the Titanic in 1912. It was the reason I was never found, especially when I became an actress.''

''Oh Rose. I cant believe you took my name.''

''It was a necessity for many reasons.'' She said seriously. ''It was also how I felt close to you…just picturing myself being your wife.''

Jack couldn't think of words to say. He leant against the counter and silence overcame them once again. The choir outside could be heard singing 'O Holy Night' and he felt goose bumps over his body. ''Where have you been all these years Rose?''

Rose felt tears in her eyes, the way Jack spoke the words made her long for him so badly than she had done in years. ''I was an actress in Santa Monica for some time until the war broke out. I volunteered as a nurse in France and that's where I met Samuel, my husband. He was young and handsome and took a great interest in me and I couldn't help fall in love with him.'' She spoke through tears shining in her eyes.

Jack nodded. ''So um, how long have you been married?''

''We married in 1920 and the children followed in 1923 and 1926.'' Rose glanced at Jack who remained silent. ''How about you, no children?''

''No. I never dated or married, I just travelled. I spent all of my time mourning for you.'' He himself held back tears. ''But you…'' He came closer to her and she felt her heart pound. ''I am so happy you found somebody to love, but all of these years…I did nothing but love you.''

A single tear rolled down her face. She had no idea how much of an effect she had on him even after all these years. He must be in his late thirties now, maybe even forty but she could still see that 20 year old boy she fell in love with. Rose's hand linked with Jack's and their faces were just an inch apart. She could remember the power he had over her, the power which made her feel weak and like they were the only two people in the world. Samuel had never even touched her in the way Jack did, not in the ten years they had been together. Suddenly, she forgot everything in her life and there was only one thing which mattered - Jack. Their lips met just once and she felt her world disappear and she was that seventeen year old girl again. Her boys images came to her mind, then her husband. She pushed Jack away with some force and covered her face with her hands. ''Oh God, I'm so sorry. I never should have…''

Jack touched her shoulder and she turned to find herself in his arms. ''Don't worry about it Rose.''

She pulled away from him again. ''No Jack. I'm a married woman and our love is in the past.'' She told him and he kissed her forehead gently. ''But I don't want you to ever leave my life again.' She whispered.

''I'm not planning to leave your life again Rose. Can we just be great friends?'' She nodded slowly and remained in his arms, just happy to feel him against her for the first time in a long time.


	2. I Hate to see you unhappy

Snow had covered the entire town for the last three days making it hard for Jack to open the gallery or even so much as leave the house. He hadn't seen Rose since the night of their meeting but they had swapped addresses and planned to meet for lunch sometime after Christmas. It was early evening when a knock sounded on the door of Jack's small apartment, he placed his coffee on the mantelpiece before pulling his dressing gown further around his body and glancing out of the small door window to see who had called by. Even through the window he could make out Rose's features and he immediately opened the door.

''Rose? Hey come on in.'' Jack smiled, he was both surprised to see her out in this weather and so late. Her dress was drenched from the snow, her hair long and red had straightened due to the snow. Her face was red and she was quiet. Something was wrong, Jack knew that. He took her hands in his and placed his left thumb on her chin to raise her eyes to meet him. ''Rose?''

''Oh God Jack.'' She broke down immediately and fell into his arms. He shushed her unsure of the reason why she was so upset, but it broke his heart. ''Jack, I'm all alone now…'' She began, her words barely understandable.

Rose ripped herself away from Jack and placed her head in her hands. ''Samuel died this morning of a heart attack.'' She told him, her voice quivering. ''Is this all my fault for what happened the other night when I kissed you? I lost my husband, my children don't have a father.''

Jack couldn't believe what he had heard. He was simply stunned, this couldnt have come at a worse time. He didnt know what to say or do to comfort her but he knew he couldnt allow her to blame herself.

''Don't you dare place blame Rose.'' He told her firmly before taking her into his arms again. ''This is no ones fault. I'm so sorry for your loss and for the boys.' 'He rocked her slowly but her sobs didn't subside.

''Samuels parents came from Michigan today and are taking care of the boys until I recover.'' She spat. 'Recover! Like I'm not capable of caring for my own boys.''

''But they are your children Rose.''

''They are all I have now Jack.'' She felt so empty inside. Everything was fine the evening before when Samuel had gone to bed around ten pm as usual but it was sometime through the night he had suffered a heart attack which had taken his life, he was only forty years old.

''You have me too Rose, don't ever forget that.'' He pulled her to sit on the sofa, feeling her weight shifting from her feet and she looked unsteady. ''I may not be much comfort to you, but you have my support.''

She glanced to him through her bleary eyes and remembered the boy she fell in love with all those years ago. She shakily took his hand in hers and squeezed it to show just how grateful she was for him simply been there. He brought her more comfort than she had ever known. Just knowing he was alive and here with her made her grief ease ever so slightly. ''Thank you Jack, for everything.''

Slowly she leant her head down onto his lap and he gently stroked her curls, something which he hadn't done in so long. She lifted her legs up onto the settee and closed her eyes for a moment allowing her sobs to subside, the unbearable pain she had felt all day seemed to have eased since seeing Jack and she realised just how tired she was. The day had been one heartbreaking moment after the other and tomorrow she would have to explain to the boys what happened to their father, but they were so young. How would they even understand?

Her sobs seemed to clear and her body no longer shook and within minutes the thousand thoughts which spun in her mind seemed to disappear as she concentrated on the soothing feeling of Jack running his fingers through her hair and soon she was asleep. Jack heard her deep breathing and settled himself back on the sofa, not taking his eyes from her face. Taking a deep breathe, he leant his own head back feeling tired himself, he knew he would have to sleep there and he had no intention of disturbing Rose until she awoke. Taking one last glance at her, he smiled a little knowing she was peaceful for the time being although she had so much to battle in the next few days but he would be there for her as much as she needed him because he loved her, he knew that now and he had never stopped.

Maureen Calvert rushed down the stairs of Rose's house as she heard knocking at the front door. She fixed her hair quickly before answering the door to see a young man around Rose's age. Her eyebrows raised at the stranger holding a large bouquet of flowers, with one hand on her hip she asked in her upper class tone. ''And who are you?''

Jack frowned at the stiff lady who he assumed was Samuel's mother. ''I'm Jack Dawson, is Rose in?''

Maureen eyed the man suspiciously, he had asked for Rose by her first name. ''Yes she is, hold on one moment.'' The door closed in his face and he sighed, shoving his hands in his pocket to shield him from the cold December chill.

Rose was in the kitchen packing away some dishes when Maureen called her name to come to the door. Since Maureen and Alfred had come to visit, they had done nothing but rule the roost almost like her own mother. Alfred had taken the boys to town for some new clothes, something for the funeral and last minute Christmas presents, something which may cheer them up.

''Rose, dear there is a boy at the door for you.''

Rose wiped her hands on the dish cloth before heading towards the front door. She knew it was Jack, he had promised to visit her that day. Maureen watched as she greeted her old friend with a kiss on the cheek and he responded with a small hug. Jack stood in the hallway, he handed the bouquet of flowers to Rose.

''Oh Jack, they're simply beautiful.'' She could smell their scent, knowing they must have cost a small fortune.

Jack felt uncomfortable in the presence of the older lady who simply stared at him. ''Oh Maureen, this is Jack Dawson, he is a close friend of mine for many years. Jack this is Maureen Calvert, Samuel's mother.''

Jack shook the lady's hand. 'So Mr Dawson, I take it you knew my son personally, been such a close friend of Rose's for many years?''

''Um no ma'am. Actually I never met him, but I heard many great things. I am sorry for your loss.'' He felt slightly awkward.

''Hmm.'' Maureen began to walk back upstairs, glancing behind at Jack and Rose a few times. There was something suspicious about the two of them which she couldn't quite put her finger on.

''I'm so sorry about that.' 'Rose whispered. ''Come into the kitchen, we can talk better.''

Jack followed Rose down the narrow hallway and into the large kitchen where a table sat in the centre of the room.

''Maureen is somewhat rude.'' The kitchen was modern for the time, decorated a light green colour which made the room airy and light. Rose sat at the table, placing her head in her hands.

'Are you all right?'' Jack asked, but regretted moments later. Rose nodded before glancing up to him, the tears in her eyes obvious.

''As well as I can be.'' She sighed. He took her hand in his and gently rubbed it. ''The funeral is in two days. Maureen is taking the boys to Michigan for a week afterward so that I can have time to myself.''

Jack felt some sort of anger rise within him, but he guessed Rose was not in a mood to fight her in laws. Maybe time alone would be what Rose needed. ''In that week, maybe we can go someplace.''

''Like where?''

''I don't know Rose, I really don't. I just hate to see you unhappy.'' He hesitantly touched her face and felt a tear trail its way down her face and he wiped it away softly.


	3. I need you

Throwing a single red rose into the ground where her husband's coffin now lay, Rose turned away straight into Jack's arms for comfort. The entire town had turned out to attend Samuel's funeral, he was a well known man and very well liked. Peter ran to his mother, tugging at her skirt and she pulled him up into her arms and sobbed softly into his small tuxedo. Glancing over to her in laws, she saw Andrew stood expressionless, not fully understanding what was happening. Jack watched Rose cradle her eldest son, she was obviously a natural mother and he felt the lump in his throat, he swallowed knowing he had to remain calm for Rose.

''I don't want to say goodbye to daddy.'' Peter sobbed, his heart aching for his father already. Rose touched her sons face before kissing it gently.

''Neither do I sweetheart, but he's with the angels now. He will always be looking out for you.''

But the words brought no comfort to Peter, he had taken the news worst. Andrew was young and barely understood what happened but he was excited to hear his father had gone to visit the angels in heaven but always asked when he would come back and Rose hadn't found it in her heart yet to say 'never.'

Back at the house, the air was silent. Rose removed her black veil and satin gloves before placing them on the dining room table. She glanced at her face, she was not yet forty and now a widow. How on earth could she carry on? But she knew she had to. She had done it before when she believed Jack dead and now she would do it again, this time she had the children to think of and of course Jack's support. Standing head to toe in black, she felt like changing into something more colourful, she hated the colour black.

There was a knock on her bedroom door which was open slightly ajar, Maureen entered her eyes red from crying at the funeral. Downstairs a small buffet was being held in Samuel's honour for the mourners to come together for a small celebration of his life. Most of the town had only come back for the gossip, thinking maybe there would be a public reading of the will although the outcome of Samuel's money and house were already decided - Rose and the boys would get everything. This was something Samuel decided long before he died. Rose fiddled with her wedding ring glancing down at it remembering the day she married Sam and how happy she had been. A small tear came down her face again and she knew she would have to stop torturing herself with memories.

''Stan and I are taking off back to Michigan soon.'' Maureen told her. ''Do the boys know they are coming with us?''

Rose nodded sighing. ''Yes they do. But its been a long day for them, can't you set off back home tomorrow they will be exhausted.''

Maureen shook her head. ''No Rose. They can sleep in the car and on the train.''

Rose didn't have the energy to argue with her mother in law. She just told herself a week away from the boys would do all of them some good. Rose knew she needed to straighten her life out now and get into some sort of routine without Samuel. ''Just take care of them Maureen, don't let them be upset.''

Maureen smiled a little, she leant forward and touched Rose's face. ''Of course we will take care of them. Its for the best they stay with us, you need to take care of yourself too. We will call you every night as soon as we're home.''

Rose took some comfort in this. ''Oh and _that boy_is downstairs looking for you.'' Maureen took one last look at Rose before leaving the room. She knew her mother in laws opinion of Jack already and no it didnt look so good right now. She glanced at the wardrobe, her husband work suit was still hung as though he was about to head off right away. She sat on the edge of the bed. What would happen now? How would she go on?

''I feel like I've just lost everything in this last week.'' Rose sobbed. She downed more of her wine feeling it sting her throat but she didn't care, she needed something to numb her pain. Jack watched her face screw and he took the glass away from her. ''Sam's dead and my children taken away, whatever is left for me now?''

''Yourself Rose, you have to use this week to figure out what you want, who you are and when the children return you have to be their mother and father.'' Jack told her forcefully. The Rose he knew would never give up so easily, not even after so many bad things happening around her, she had the strength to fight on.

''I know that.'' She stood from her chair, a little shaky. ''Maureen just took them away before I could say yes or no. She treats me like a child, like I was never good enough for her son. She didn't like that I was an actress when I met him, no one was good enough for her precious boy. She wanted a doctor or something, to her actresses were whores.''

''Rose you proved her long, you married the man you loved regardless of her opinion and you will raise your sons how they are meant to be raised, not like she wishes. You are their mother Rose, and an amazing mother.''

Rose glanced to Jack, her eyes meeting his. ''You think I am?'' No one had ever took her she was a good mother before, she had learned what she needed herself and the rest had come naturally when it came to raising the boys. Samuel was good with the children, he had supported her through her pregnancy and such but Rose had raised them as her husband had worked.

Jack came towards her and he grabbed her hand stroking it softly. ''You're a natural Rose. All those years ago I've never seen your smile so beautiful as it is when your with the boys, your so happy with them Rose, I know that.''

Rose felt her whole body numb. She glanced around at the house which was dark. The Christmas presents all piled up beneath the large pine tree which was decorated with baubles, candles burned in the window and trimmings hung from the ceiling. Christmas was usually a great time for the family, especially the boys on Christmas morning opening the presents they had pined for all year. Samuel had gift wrapped most of them by late November so at least they had something to open from their father.

''I just want the boys to be happy now, that's all. Christmas is going to be an upsetting time, just me with the children but its something I have to grow used to.'' She sighed.

''I've eaten Christmas dinner alone for the past eighteen years. At least you have children Rose.''

Rose saw the loneliness in Jack's eyes. All these years he had travelled and wandered the world but not once had he thought of settling down with a girl, not one of them would ever come close to Rose, he knew that. But now he was here and close to her, he knew they could never be together but just to see her everyday and be her friend killed half of the pain which he felt. ''Maybe you'd join us for dinner Jack on Christmas day? I'm not such a good cook…''

''Well it's a good job I am…'' Jack smirked. ''I'd love to join you. I want to make it as best as I can for you and the children.''

Rose nodded glancing downwards. A single tear fell from her face and Jack wiped it away. ''I know how painful this is for you Rose.''

She silently collapsed against his chest sobbed so much she could barely breathe. Jack could do nothing but hold her for dear life, a few tears fell from his own eyes but he knew he couldn't show Rose his tears, he had to be strong for her but just hearing her cries broke his heart into a million pieces. ''I'm so sorry.'' She spoke into his shirt between sobs and he held her tighter.

''Don't be sorry. Its all right to cry on me Rose, its what I am here for. I just want you to remember you are a strong and great woman who will get through this. I'll be here for you though, always.''

She pulled away from him, her sobs subsided. She could see the unshed tears in his eyes and she leant forward into him, seeing his face. He was still unbelievably handsome after all these years and he cared about her like no other. Jack shakily touched her face and before they both knew it their lips had met and the spark which they ignited eighteen years ago returned stronger than ever. Rose hadn't felt anything so passionate in her life, not even with Sam. They kiss proved to the other how much they were still in love, and Jack never wanted it to end. Rose broke the kiss and Jack expected her to blame herself or to break down once again but she didn't, she simply rested her head on his chest.

''We cannot do this Jack.'' She glanced up to him. ''My husband died just last week and….' She trailed off unable to think properly.

''I know, its all right.'' Jack bit his lip.

Rose touched his face and rested her head on his chest again. ''I do love you Jack. It would just be impossible to embark on something which ended years ago.''

''Oh Rose, I love you now and I always have.''

Taking both his hands in hers, she felt him lean forward and kiss her forehead just once. ''I'm just not ready for you yet Jack but I love you, I really do and that love has never gone away.''

Jack pulled her into his arms and kissed the top of her head. ''I'll be here with you Rose, I'm not leaving your side again.''


	4. Where I'm Supposed to be

**Three years later...**

''Why is their so many banners up Mom?'' Andrew emerged from his bedroom to find several maids climbing onto chairs putting up Christmas decorations and of course banners for Jack's birthday, today he would turn forty and Rose had planned a surprise birthday party for her best friend. Jack had gone to New York in late November on a business trip but would return today.

''Because its Jack's birthday dear.'' Rose stroked her sons head. ''Would you like to help me decorate the tree later?''

Andrew quickly nodded his head. ''Peter too?''

'Of course darling, you know how much he likes putting the angel on the tree.''

Andrew ran back into his room to get dressed, the excitement of decorating the Christmas tree motivating him to hurry and not be lazy like usual.

''When will Jack be home?'' Peter asked. ''Will he take me fishing again later?''

The boys loved Jack as though he was family, he had grown to be some sort of father figure to them although he was careful to never take their fathers place. Rose took the boys to visit their fathers grave on the odd occasion although the graveyard upset them so their visits had become less frequent although they did say a prayer for their daddy before bedtime.

''No darling, maybe tomorrow. We're all busy today. We have to bake a cake for Jack's birthday, go find some old clothes dear, I don't want your Sunday best covered in icing.''

Rolling up the sleeves on her shirt, Rose descended the stairs just as the front door flung open and Simon stood with a very large tree covered in net. It must have been eight foot high and the pine could be smelled straight away. Simon was a friend of Rose's who did odd jobs around the house, that morning she had sent him to buy a Christmas tree just not one so large.

''Simon, my God.'' She laughed at the size.

''What do you think Rose? Too small?'' He teased.

''Definitely.''

''You may need to put this one in the living room.'' Simon told her dragging the tree into the house leaving pine needles behind him.

''This one? Just how many is there?'' Before her question could be answered a younger man pulled a smaller tree into the house.

''This one's for the hallway.'' He told her and she put her hands on her hips, she had no time to argue and she simply laughed. She had a feeling this would be a good Christmas, the boys were in such high spirits and of course the party for Jack's birthday.

By 4pm, friends began to arrive for Jack's party. With the help of the maids who had been hired over the duration of the year, Rose had prepared a buffet on the dining table as well as various alcoholic and non alcoholic drinks in the kitchen. God knows where Simon had got the liquor from but she didnt care. She didnt agree with the probition, why should she follow the rules? Rose grabbed a glass of champagne and glanced around the house, the hallway Christmas tree was decorated and lit, trimmings hung from the ceiling and mistletoe hung above the front door. She felt proud to say the entire house had been decorated in just one day. ''Jack will be here soon, you aren't attending the party in your shirt and pants are you?''

Rose glanced down to see she was still dressed in her old clothes. She glanced up to see Simon grinning at her and he shook his head. ''I forgot all about finding something to wear.'' She ran her fingers through her hair which also felt greasy and a mess.

''You go have a bath and find something nice to wear for Jack and I'll sort out everything here.''

''But the boys…''

''They're in the kitchen putting the finishing touches on the cake, they'll be happy doing that for a while.'' He smiled to her.

Guests piled into the hallway of Rose's house, grabbing a glass of champagne as they entered. Many of them Rose didn't know personally but she had seen them around town. Simon closed the door behind them shutting out the December chill, Rose shivered realising she probably should have worn more a short sleeved dress. It was navy blue in colour and came to just below the knees, it was a wrap around style from the waist up although it was a little low cut Rose didn't mind, she hadn't felt so dressed up in years. She wore a pair of black court shoes and her hair in a loose bun. Andrew and Peter wore little suits which Rose knew would be just a shirt and trousers by the end of the evening, both of the boys hated buttoning their shirts to the top, which was very unlike their father. He was a man who always wore his Sunday best. Glancing to her wedding finger, she found it was bare. For a moment, she became lost in her own world. It was thirteen years since she had married Sam and not once expect for today had she removed her wedding ring. _Was it time?_she thought. She had been a widow for three years and although Sam was never far from her thoughts, she had moved on with her life and found enjoyment in things she never thought she would. She spent many happy hours with Jack on long walks or the becoming the subject of his drawings, she felt like the actress she was long ago when she first met her husband.

''All right shush, he's coming.'' Rose heard Simon whisper loudly. Her heart pounded for a moment, knowing that was the signal that Jack had returned home. Quickly, she turned out the lights in the living room and hid behind a door. In the dark and silence, she could feel her own heart thudding in her ears, she felt like a young girl. Taking a deep breathe to steady her breathing, she waited to see Jack's figure walk through the door.

''Surprise!'' The entire room cheered and laughed as soon as he walked through the front door and his face was a picture. He immediately dropped his suitcase at the door, his face breaking into a huge smile.

''Jesus.'' He shook Simon's hand as he came towards him, handing him a glass of champagne. ''What's all this for?''

''For the big 4-0 Jackie.'' Simon grinned.

''Who's idea was this?''

''It was Rose.'' Simon smiled. Rose was coming towards them and at that moment, Jack couldn't care less about anyone else in the room. He held out his hand to her and kissed her forehead.

''Rose…you look amazing.'' He told her before kissing her forehead again. The smile on her face seemed to radiate beauty and he couldn't help but smile back to her.

''Thanks. I thought its about I make some sort of an effort.'' She said with raised eyebrows to Jack. ''After all it is Christmas.'' She patted Simon on the back. ''Besides I couldn't have done it without this man.''

''Jack.'' Voices came from the crowd and Peter can straight into Jack's arms followed by Andrew. Rose couldn't help but feel happy as she watched Jack with her sons and for a moment it was almost as though they were his children.

''Wait until you see what I have for you two.'' Jack teased.

''Presents?'' Andrew asked excitedly.

Jack let them go from his arms and pointed to his bag. ''Have a look in there.''

Immediately they ran to the bag which Jack had brought back with him from New York.

''You didn't have to bring them anything.'' Rose touched his arm as they both watched as the boys eagerly tore into the bag.

''You didn't have to do all this for me.'' He smiled to her and she leant against him.

''Of course I did. Its your birthday.'' She kissed his cheek just once, not noticing the glares of the guests. ''Happy birthday Jack.''

He placed his arm around her waist and pulled her towards him, happy to finally be back where Rose was. ''Thank you for all of this.''

''There's more later, I think.'' She told him. ''But for now, lets just enjoy this.''

''I feel so happy today thanks to you.'' Jack told Rose as they leant back on the sofa. The guests had left an hour ago and the children had gone to bed exhausted. Wisps of snow fell outside the window and the only light in the room was the candles burning on the window sill.

''I'm just happy you are here with me.'' Her voice was barely a whisper. She leant back against his chest without hesitation as if it was natural for them to lay there together. ''I missed you while you were away.''

Jack reached to touch Rose's face and she closed her eyes feeling his fingers stroke her skin. His hands were beautiful, rough to touch from the years of work but ever so gentle when they stroked her.

''I missed you too. As soon as I walked through that door the first thing I saw was you.'' She turned to face him. ''And you took my breathe away.'' Jack whispered.

He knew how he felt about Rose, and wondered if the feelings ever went away. She felt like she was his soul mate, and that a strong force pulled him towards her. His palms were sticky and he felt somewhat nervous. For moments, they simply gazed into each other's eyes, feeling connected. Ever so slowly, Jack leaned towards Rose and inched towards her face his eyes not leaving hers until his mouth captured hers ever so slightly. Rose's eyes flickered closed, and she continued their kiss. Their bodies moved closer together and her hands ran down his back, as he touched her face gently and then her hair. It was like heaven, the tension which was present between them all night was finally released. The kiss felt different to the other times they had kisses, it was more passionate as if it had been something they had been waiting for all of this time. Jack opened his eyes for a moment seeing Rose's eyes still flicked shut. He pulled away breathless for a moment, pausing to watch Rose.

''You're not pulling away this time.'' He whispered, remembering the other times they had kissed when Rose had been the one to pull away from him.

Taking his hand in hers, she stroked it ever so gently. ''Because I'm ready for you now Jack. If you want me that is.''

His eyes widened and he felt as though he had waited his entire life to hear her say those words.

''My love for you this last three years has grown stronger than ever.''

Jack opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. He felt so happy to hear her say those words. ''I love you so much Rose, but I thought we could never be because of Samuel.''

Rose glanced down for a moment, she didn't feel guilty anymore like she did for the last few years. ''Jack I have fought with my feelings for you but I cant do it no longer. I loved Sam and I always will, he was the father of my children.'' She paused before touching Jack's face feeling tears run down her face. ''But you Jack, I think you're the person I'm supposed to be with.''

She felt a few more tears escape her eyes and he brushed them away. Their eyes met and he smiled to her almost melting her entire body. Jack closed his eyes feeling her so close to him, her hair tickling him ever so slightly and her breathe on his skin. He held her face with both of his trembling hands and stroked her cheek.

''You don't know how much you mean to me.'' he whispered to her and she smiled a small smile back to him, feeling herself tremble. He felt her hands move up his back and stroke the back of his hair softly. He leant forward slightly and closed his eyes for a second feeling their closeness, he opened them to look at Rose and saw her eyes closed and it was then he knew what he had to do. He leant towards her more and opened his mouth slightly and planted a small kiss on her lips, something which sent sparks through both of them. Rose opened her eyes and Jack felt her eyelashes flutter on his cheek and he glanced at her. Their eyes interlocked and they saw the passion and love they had for each other, nothing could hold them back no more and Rose kissed Jack with more passion than either had dreamt about. They had wanted each other for so long. Rose wrapped her arms around his neck and they fell backwards with Rose beneath Jack on the sofa, he moved her hair and kissed her neck and her breathing quickened. Neither remembered how they had climbed the stairs to Rose's bedroom, but they had. Lying in the bed, their hands explored each other's naked body. The experience was new to both of them. Jack hadn't been with a woman since Rose, he felt emotions he had never felt before or even dreamt of in his life. As for Rose, even all of the nights with Sam had not prepared her for the experience of Jack making love to her. It was if she had gone to heaven and then returned. As they lay in each other's arms, Rose began to drift to sleep peacefully and happy for the first time in a long time. Jack lay with his eyes open, his arms wrapped around Rose's body, he smiled feeling a sense of belonging, and he glanced over to see her sleeping. Gently, he kissed her cheek.

''I love you.'' He whispered, before settling himself to sleep. As he spoke those words, Rose's eyes flickered open wide, shining with unshed tears, she felt as though she had finally found an absolution and a place where she finally belonged - with Jack.


	5. Happy Christmas

A year later...

A loud wail sounded from the back bedroom of the Dawson mansion, a little girl had been born just that morning - Margaret Dawson . The baby girl was the reason for Rose Dawson's joy, for the months leading up to her birth, she had done nothing but cry and await for the arrival of her child, but now she was here she was perfect. Her tiny hand waved in the air, and Jack kissed her tiny hand delicately. The baby had not been planned but had been the most wonderful gift they could have received in time for Christmas. The pregnancy had been a hard one, morning sickness hit early and never really subsided, her back ached, her legs and ankles swollen and her stomach was twice as big as when she was pregnant with the boys and her emotions were everywhere.

''He's so cute.'' Peter stroked his sisters hair.

''She doesn't do much.'' Andrew complained, his large eyes taking in the new arrival. Jack sat Peter on the bed beside Rose and the new baby, he touched her hand and then her chubby face before smiling up to Rose. Planting a small kiss on Peter's forehead, she turned her attention back to the new baby. The labour had been long and hard, she had to be cut so the baby could come out and now was having difficulty sitting up without experiencing the worst pain she had felt. Rose's first two pregnancy's had been magical, but the third proved to be long and exhausting, her hormones had ran wild and she felt she had done nothing but cry. Glancing up at Jack, Rose saw his large smile. He was happy. He gently touched her copper curls before planting a small kiss on her lips, it was the just time like this when he showed her affection she felt like the luckiest girl in the world.

''Can we play with her?'' Andrew asked innocently, his large blue eyes taking in his new brother.

''Not for a while yet darling.''

''Does she only sleep?'' Peter asked.

''For now darling, she's only a baby, she has to grow like you and Andrew.'' Rose smiled. Margaret riddled about in her pink blanket in Rose's arms.

Jack bent down in front of the bed and smiled down at Margaret. He felt an overwhelming amount of love for her, as well as the boys. He felt like they were both his children although he had been careful in taking their fathers place, it was something he never wanted to do. Pulling the blanket away from her face slightly, he touched the baby's face gently. Without warning, Margaret let out a loud cry and showed her gums to her mother, father and siblings.

''I think he's hungry.'' Rose smiled. She pulled down her nightgown and allowed herself to breastfeed her daughter. Suckling happily, she soon shushed and enjoyed her dinner.

''How about you boys heading downstairs. Let your mother rest.'' Jack watched at they both kissed their mother before leaving the room. Jack knew they would be asking more questions and he just wanted Rose to relax after such a hard labour.

''They've been such good boys throughout all of this.'' Rose whispered as she laid her head back against the propped up pillows carefully so not to disturb her new daughter.

''I think tomorrow may be a little more mayhem with it been Christmas and all.'' Jack smiled. ''Remember how excited they were last Christmas.''

Settling on the bed beside Rose, he watched as Margaret suckled on Rose's breast. ''How you feeling?'' he asked, quietly not wanting to disturb the infant again.

''Just sore, and getting used to a baby again. Its been a few years since I have done this.'' Rose laughed as Jack stroked her face. Her nose crinkled at the weird sensation of breastfeeding, it was something she had not felt in a long time.

''She's worth everything Rose, you both are. I cannot tell you how overwhelmed I am at this day. Its just been magical.'' Jack was in awe of his wife, she was the perfect mother already and had taken to motherhood so naturally just like he knew she would. Making the decision to have a child was the best decision they had made.

''She was a perfect Christmas gift.''

''This time last year we had just got together and after getting married in August now having Margaret, I couldn't imagine a more perfect year.''

Margaret pulled away from her mothers breast and Rose held her daughter forward as she winded her. Moments later, she was laid back in her blanket with a full tummy and ready to sleep. She yawned just once showing her tiny gums before opening her eyes for a few seconds to glance to her mother and father with her large blue eyes before closing them and drifting into a deep sleep. Jack stroked her hair feeling just how soft her skin was. He couldn't believe that she was real and he had helped create her.

''It was five years ago since we found each other again. That was at Christmas too.'' Rose pointed out remembering that day she stepped into Jacks gallery. 'I didn't even know you were alive but something told me that day to go into the gallery and I did.'

''Maybe it was fate Rose.''

Rose glanced to Jack, seeing his face was serious. ''Maybe.'' She muttered. ''This is where I'm supposed to be Jack, that's all that matters. We have our children and each other.''

Rose leant against Jack and he placed his arm around her shoulder. ''And its Christmas too.'' He smiled.

Moments later, loud footsteps were rushing up the stairs and the boys came rushing through the door.

''Look, look!'' Peter jumped up and down excitedly pointing to the window.

''Whatever is the matter.''

''Its snowing mother, look how much its snowing.'' Andrew ran to the window and pulled back the curtain attempting to show his mother the snow. She smiled at their excited but failed to share the same enthusiasm as she was so tired.

''Can we go out and play before Santa comes?''

Rose glanced to Jack through her tired eyes and he knew he had to let Rose rest. ''Come on you two. Go change into something very warm, you don't want to catch a cold.''

Both Andrew and Peter ran out of the room as fast as they could racing to their rooms. Rose managed a small smile. ''Don't let them play out for long.''

''I'm going to take them out for a while.'' He kissed her forehead before taking their daughter from Rose. She let out a small cry from the disturbance but shushed as soon as she was in her fathers arms. ''I want you to get some rest darling, you need your strength for Christmas day.''

''You mean to do all of the cooking and hang the trimmings?' Rose teased.

''Of course not I have it all under control, you just rest.'' He pulled the blankets over her and gave her one last kiss. ''I want to make it the best Christmas we've had Rose.''

**Updated Thursday 20****th**** February 2014**

I want to thank everybody who has read this in the three or so years since I uploaded it. As you are probably aware I have been edited and sorting my stories out so I have done the same with this one. I have made each chapter longer, merged some together and added bits and taken some out also made it more relevant.

I havent strayed too far from the original story and have tried to keep it like the way it was. I have enjoyed reading this over, I felt it was my worst story but to be honest to say it was written when I was so young it wasnt so bad.

Thanks again...


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